People are essentially good and are doing the best that they can at any given moment (even when that decision might have been crappy in hindsight).
I want to help you see what the other was intending, what they were wanting to show, and how y'all can help each other start intending the best again for each other.
My approach is a highly pragmatic Couples Therapy -- we do what works for y'all! This is your space and place to take your relationship to an AMAZING and fulfilling level.
Financial Therapy for Couples
Money, money, money! The world's final taboo!!! You likely did not learn how to manage it, how to talk about it, or what impact it can have on your relationships. That is where I come in. I can help you improve your own relationship with money and help you navigate the financial conversations with your partner in life.
Money conversations do NOT have to be hard... Money conversations can be just the catalyst your relationship needs!
When you are choosing someone with whom you want to explore the workings of your heart and mind, you need someone who is going to take a contextual (i.e. a non-reductionistic) stance. I have studied psychology, philosophy (from the ancients, to the medievals, enlightenment, phenomenologists, existentialists, postmoderns, transcontextualists), theology and spirituality, mythology, anthropology, and neuroscience.
When we are speaking, I will be curious about how all of these intersect throughout your life. This of course is helpful for mental health issues (depression, anxiety, etc.) and for personal, professional growth as well. You are an interconnected individual and I want to think deeply about you, together with you.
Couples Therapy or Individual Therapy?
I often get calls from people with a question — Can I fix this problem in my relationship without my spouse coming with me? The short answer is — Yes … you can start to make changes within any aspect of your relationship without both of you being present.
The longer answer is that whenever someone comes to see me, if they are in a committed long-term relationship, I encourage them to bring their partner to sessions as well (unless there is an expressed reason for secrecy, such as abuse or suspected infidelities).
Because the financial habits, rituals, and traditions of your relationship are formed from meaningful patterns of interaction. Financial Therapy is not about condemning these habits outright — it is about examining the intention behind them and then preserving the intention in a healthier way. Overspending on family vacations, for example, has the virtue of quality time (albeit with the vice of putting a financial strain on the family when they go back home). The goal would be to find ways to accentuate that wonderful virtue of quality time that does not put a strain on the family later down the line.
This is much more easily done if the couple can unpack these issues together and sort through what they want their relationship to stand for, what this will mean for both of them, and how they want to change their trajectory together.
Of course, there are issues that at times that may need some more individual session support. Gambling Disorder (aka Gambling Addiction) is often an issue that benefits from individual conversations to unpack the triggers and issues that lead to that way of coping with stress.
But for the most part, Financial Therapy tends to work better when done as a team.
And it is beautiful to see the cascading impact of sorting out financial issues on the other parts of the relationship — my couples generally report that they are happier, enjoying time together more, and really feeling more connected since they are able to trust each other financially.