Almost invariably, people tend to exist on a spectrum of financial life between two anchors — on one side of the spectrum, you have the Frugal MacDoogal/Financially Anxious and on the other side you have the YOLO/Carpe Diem person. And — invariably — people who are called to marriage tend to end up marrying someone on the opposite side of the spectrum from themselves. Opposites do truly attract when it comes to finances.
And I think there is a reason for this. It is as if the Holy Spirit knows that we need a person with a different financial life to help mitigate the liabilities within our own perspectives!
A frugal person has the strengths of being prudent and safe with their money; but they may be tempted towards miserliness. This could take shape in fear of helping the poor, fear of supporting the church, or a withholding in times of celebration.
A “carpe diem” person has the strengths of natural generosity and celebration; but they may be tempted towards financial avoidance. This could take shape in fear of planning for the future, fear of taking care of debts, or a financial incontinence that manifests in a materialistic approach to life.
One very helpful way of appreciating each other’s perspectives is to blend them — preserve the generosity & fun of the carpe diem mentality alongside the safety and prudence of the frugality mentality.
The Spending Spectrum tool below can be a great way for you and your spouse to see how you have both grown over time, and can be a great way to be able to chart out where you would like to end up in the future!
The spectrum of spending style
Where have you landed in each decade of life? Drag the dots to tell your story.
Strength in the difference: a Catholic lens
Spenders bring generosity, joy, and trust. Savers bring prudence and foresight. In marriage, the two gifts belong to both of you.
Two become one flesh
Marriage is one shared gift of self, so each spending style serves the whole couple, not just one person.
Genesis 2:24
Virtue lives in the middle
Aquinas taught that virtue sits between two extremes. The spender’s generosity and the saver’s prudence can correct each other, so you find the mean together.
Prudence and temperance
Bear one another’s burdens
The saver steadies the spender’s risks, and the spender eases the saver’s fears. Jesus’ call not to be anxious is good news for the anxious end of the spectrum.
Galatians 6:2; Matthew 6:25-34
Money is servant, not master
Faithful stewards neither squander nor bury what they are given in fear. Money serves the family and its mission, not the other way around.
Matthew 25:14-30; Matthew 6:24
If you, or someone you know, needs help having these conversations, reach out! If I am not a good fit, I will help you find someone who is!